i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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