Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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