We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
