He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
