That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Who wears a wallet chain?!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Randomize
