Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
