Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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