I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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