Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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