i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
