I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
