i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
