hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
