I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
