All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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