My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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