I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
