Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
