dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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