You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
