One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
