I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
