no. you can't hotbox the world.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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