So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
