My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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