Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
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