my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
