how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
