I accidentally burped into my bong.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
