Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
