The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
