remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize