I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
