don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
