So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize