WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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