Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
