Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
