sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
