she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
