I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
