we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
