she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
