yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
