Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
