this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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