Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
