sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
