Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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