Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
