The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
