I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
