yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
