super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I will pee on everything he values.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
