i just google imaged poop.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
