so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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