I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize