wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
