Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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