i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
