Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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