I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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