Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(304): View more from West Virginia

remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?

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(201): View more from New Jersey

yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left

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(469): View more from Texas

I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.

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(805): View more from California

I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service

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(201): View more from New Jersey

My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.

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(706): View more from Georgia

We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.

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(914): View more from New York

You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.

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