is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
