do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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