I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
my liver is dry heaving
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
