when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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