i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
operation have a gay friend backfired
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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