Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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