why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So vagazzling was a success
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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