so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
