every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
