im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
