Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Found your dick twin last night
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
