i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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