That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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